Loving After Losing
Loving always opens us up to the potential of pain; there is vulnerability of putting ourselves out there. There is a unique pain that comes from preparing a place in your heart, for a child that never comes” –David Platt.
To realize that you’ve been given the precious gift of life inside of you to love, it is one of the most exciting yet intimidating moments. There are automatic emotions, ones that we can’t control and then there are the thoughts and feelings that come after time to dwell on the miracle of life. I remember my husband lying in bed with me asking how far along I’d be before we would tell family. I couldn’t look at his face, “I don’t know” I replied with a quivering voice. He assured me it was okay and expected that we be happy for this little one. “I just don’t want to grieve again.” I quietly cried. I don’t want my body and hormones to go insane as they process a loss. I don’t want to lie in bed and cry my eyes out as my body heaves and hurts and my heart aches. I had already cried out to God with my questions and drowned my sorrows with sugar and carbs from two previous miscarriages in the previous year and a half.
Pregnancy after a miscarriage can cause emotions and thoughts that are hard to pinpoint, a swirling of joy and sadness, conflicting thoughts of excitement and fear. There are many reasons to not let yourself get excited, all the “what if?” questions. I felt as though waiting to tell people of our joyous news would insulate me from the heartache that could possibly come again.
I know how it feels, the struggle of loving after losing. My husband and I decided to talk to family and ask them to pray for this pregnancy, to open up about our silent struggle. We felt loved, cared for, thought about. No more insensitive comments from well-meaning family members and friends. They understood, and even if they didn’t, they tried. As my belly swelled and our little girl grew, there were lessons I learned from pregnancy loss and a new pregnancy.
Each child is a gift to cherish, no matter the length of time you have them.
Conflicting emotions are normal, but take your fears to God instead of dwelling on them.
With miscarriage comes loss of much; expectations, dreams, time, a child…It’s good to take time to grieve all of it, pour out your heart to Jesus.
Opening up gave me opportunities to minister to many women, many who silently grieve.
To trust in the sovereignty of my God and to rely on Him for strength.
2 Corinthians 12:9 For my Grace is sufficient for you and my Strength is made perfect in weakness
With loss, my husband was an instrument of healing and we allowed it to draw us closer
I know we have a Saviour who cares for us more than we could ever know. I’m so glad I have a comforter, who knows the number of hairs on my head and holds my tears in a bottle, he knows my feelings and he can use my suffering to bring Him glory. So Friend, love that new little life inside of you, love it fiercely, trust that God is good,
have big dreams and expectations, and take your fears and anxiety and cast it at the Saviors’ feet.