Longsuffering in Marriage
Many times I have prided myself in believing I was a good wife by checking the little boxes in my mind of meeting my husband’s needs for that day. Many a day it was the performance of my flesh rather than an outpouring of the spirit in my life. Instead of abiding in Christ, I was trying to work out good behaviors that I thought were what a good godly wife would do. Unfortunately that process leaves me unfulfilled and spiritually drained by the day’s end.
One of the ways that the Lord has shown me I’ve fallen short by my own accounts is in the area of long suffering. Some days when I feel like I have completed the “good wifey list” (which looks better some days more than others, I don’t think my husband is allowed a bad day. If he is agitated or frustrated about something, I am a nice enough wife to let him work through it for a little while...but only for a little while. Unfortunately I begin to take on his issues and make them my own. If he is frustrated, I become snappy. I become extra sensitive if he is being short with me. I allow his mood to effect mine and I become grumpy even after he has worked through it. I am acutely aware of this problem of mine. Taking on the offenses of others and having no patience for them.
Long suffering means long tempered. Many of us can relate with short tempered unfortunately. I myself do not have the personality or temperament to blow up easy, yell, or fly off the handle and neither does my husband. My husband and I both like to avoid conflict. I would much rather shut down and stew about an issue than bring it up. Though my temper and attitude may look less sever then someone else’s, it is still sinful and selfish.
Part of the problem I am finding is that I look for affirmations from others to feel good about my accomplishments. I am a firstborn rule-following junky with mental check lists galore. This can lead me to be critical and judgmental of others that aren’t following my list. I feel discouraged when I can’t do what I thought should be done, and annoyed when other things come up that derail my plans. Instead of finding my fulfillment in Christ and abiding in his strength, I rely on myself and the good I believe I can muster up.
Each day I need to abide in my Savior and beg him for strength. That may look different each day as a wife and mother. Different days may be listening to music or encouraging podcasts while cleaning up breakfast, listening to the dramatized Bible while driving, or meditating on a scripture verse as I paint it, writing a promise on my hand to see throughout the day, praying for strength for the rest of the day (then proclaiming mandatory naps for all in the house).
Another part of the problem is with my short suffering. Long suffering is part of the fruit of the spirit and an attribute of Christ, who is longsuffering toward us. Being patient and longsuffering is not easy, it is not natural. Maybe we can muster up a little bit of short suffering on our good days, but what about the long, hard days?
When the children and momma both have the flu? When the car breaks down, or the basement gets flooded? When dinner burns and the toddler has been teething?
What about long and difficult weeks? When another house offer falls through? The doctor makes a house call to tell you bad news? When you are home-sick? When your budget isn’t working?
Or how about long years? When a family member is dealing with depression, when you struggle to find friendships? The new job is more stressful than anticipated, extended family places unneeded pressure and guilt on you or your spouse?
Those are the times when God can be glorified by our longsuffering. When we cannot do it, we can see how He has already done it. Let go of the checklists and get into God's word and believe it. God can use the fruit of the spirit in our lives to draw our children, family, friends and acquaintances to Himself.
Start the day by meditating on the attributes of God. When we realize who he is, we will quickly see how short we compare and can turn to him instead of relying on ourselves. In those moments of patience wearing thin, we can pray right then and there for help. God can show us the situation through eyes of grace and give us wisdom to respond correctly. If we are faithfully growing in Him, the actions we portray will just be an outpouring of Christ’s love rather than an exhausting measure that will never come to fruition because of our sinful weakness.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us walk in the Spirit.” -Galatians 5:22-25
*photo credit to Holdfast Photography in Hastings Michigan